Friday, February 26, 2010

Apologies for what?

(This time last year I was preparing to go here. Elliot and I had a blast and have absolutely no regrets over leaving the children!)

Why do mothers feel it necessary to apologise for enjoying time out - going out without the children to do things you can't do with them - for feeling free and enjoying adult conversation - for having an 'alive brain moment'????

When a mother details a fabulous outing or experience where they have gone with girlfriends or husband and really enjoyed 'adult time', it is always preceded by.... "now, don't get me wrong - I absolutely love my children and spending time with them but...."

Why do mothers do it to themselves? Why do we feel guilt about enjoying time away from them?

Here's some positive things about leaving the children for a little while:
- calms a mother
- adult conversation keeps the mind active
- we can learn from each other as we discuss problems and successes
- we can improve skills and hobbies
- we can feel validated and empowered as a woman of many roles rather than just as a mum
- can help you see clearer and come back reloaded/ rejuvenated/ ready with a new plan

More than anything, I believe that mothers need to feel that they are much more than just a mother. (I believe that being a mother is the most important role of a woman but that's not all we are or do.) That they are a friend, a sister, a leader, a human, an intelligent being with thoughts and feelings. A mother needs time to think clearly, to think silently. Time out of the home doing things that a mother enjoys (within reason!) makes a mother happy.... and as the saying goes "a happy mother makes a happy home".

Fellow mums out there - please don't apologise for enjoying being away from your kids. It doesn't make you a bad mother. In fact, sometimes it makes you a better mother.


  1. i agree.. love being away from my kids.. happy to say so... my only problem is that we seem to send them to grandmas because of church stuff, weddings etc... i am so tired when they come back! I keep saying to my mum.. i need to send the kids to your house when I am NOT going anywhere! I still havent done it yet, as lol.. i feel guilty to send them to be babysat if i am not doing anything... lol lol

  2. i TOTALLY agree bev! WHY do put that on ourselves and justify ourselves?? dont' know, other peoples comments, self expectations, society's expectations?

    P.S love ure pic by the way, BEAUTIFUL!

  3. Bev, you are so insightful with such wonderful words of advice, thank you so much xo