Friday, February 26, 2010

Apologies for what?

(This time last year I was preparing to go here. Elliot and I had a blast and have absolutely no regrets over leaving the children!)

Why do mothers feel it necessary to apologise for enjoying time out - going out without the children to do things you can't do with them - for feeling free and enjoying adult conversation - for having an 'alive brain moment'????

When a mother details a fabulous outing or experience where they have gone with girlfriends or husband and really enjoyed 'adult time', it is always preceded by.... "now, don't get me wrong - I absolutely love my children and spending time with them but...."

Why do mothers do it to themselves? Why do we feel guilt about enjoying time away from them?

Here's some positive things about leaving the children for a little while:
- calms a mother
- adult conversation keeps the mind active
- we can learn from each other as we discuss problems and successes
- we can improve skills and hobbies
- we can feel validated and empowered as a woman of many roles rather than just as a mum
- can help you see clearer and come back reloaded/ rejuvenated/ ready with a new plan

More than anything, I believe that mothers need to feel that they are much more than just a mother. (I believe that being a mother is the most important role of a woman but that's not all we are or do.) That they are a friend, a sister, a leader, a human, an intelligent being with thoughts and feelings. A mother needs time to think clearly, to think silently. Time out of the home doing things that a mother enjoys (within reason!) makes a mother happy.... and as the saying goes "a happy mother makes a happy home".

Fellow mums out there - please don't apologise for enjoying being away from your kids. It doesn't make you a bad mother. In fact, sometimes it makes you a better mother.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I'm a faker!

Quite often, I feel like I fake it a lot. A bit like this photo.... (This is what you get when you ask a 2yr-old to smile)

Life is hard. Every day I have at least 5 moments of extreme anxiety where I question WHY? You know the kinds of situations where we are exhausted and exasperated enought to ask these types of questions: why did I have children? Why am I shopping with children? Why am I attempting to paint with 2 boisterous children while cooking dinner? Why did I mop the floor? Why did I teach Hayden to talk? WHY, WHY WHY? Incidentally, Hayden's favourite phrase at the moment is "why"......

And so over my short term of motherhood thus far, I have tried to take on the mantle of 'fake it till you make it'. .... a smile when I am grumpy.... a sweet kind voice when I want to scream.... going out when I'm feeling reclusive and prickly.... being tired and pushing on anyway.... pretending I know exactly what I'm talking about when my child asks me to explain a rather difficult phenomenon..... flying by the seat of my pants to look competent when I'm not....
I remember a good teacher friend of mine advising me "get in there, have a go and fake it. Eventually you'll realise one day that you're not faking it anymore".

Unfortunately, I am not at that stage yet. I wish that I wanted to talk more sweetly to my children than I do. I wish that I was calmer than I am. I wish that I didn't have to consciously remind myself to keep my voice measured and look for a positive way to respond to a child's misdemeanor. I wish that I enjoyed cleaning the house up 50x a day.

Maybe one day this mother thing will come naturally. Till then..... consider me a faker!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I am now a school mum!!

I feel like a real mother now. Packing a lunchbox, getting everyone herded out the door by 8.45am, showered, dressed and teeth cleaned. Then doing the school-run! I will admit that I have longed to do the 'school run' - it's always epitomised motherhood to me, but well, after 2 days I thought 'this stinks!' Gone are the lazy mornings of staying in my pj's till playschool so I can have a shower without running the risk of someone dying in the short 10mins of personal hygiene....

Lachlan on his first day leaving the house for pre-prep.
He loves it (and so do I.) Hayden loves it too (having mummy all to himself) though occasionally he asks where Lachlan is. On the upside: the house is quieter, there isn't a constant running commentary, there's less mess, shopping is no longer stressful, I can duck into spotlight quickly again but.... I do miss him just a little bit (oh, who am I kidding? I don't miss him at all.) I love him to bits, I love having him at home with me but I love that he has progressed and is stepping out into the world. And I love that he did it independently without hanging onto me or crying. He put his bag into the locker, then skipped away down in the playground with a wave and 'bye mum. Have a good day.' Thanks Lachlan, you too. X

I have a love-hate relationship with computers

Welcome to my new blog address - which happened only because of my lack of being technologically-savvy. If you found your way here - thankyou, I guess I have some followers after all!

So it's been 3 months since I last blogged. Surely a lot has happened in that time? I'm sure it has but I shan't bore you with all the minor details. So here's a few pictures to summarize it.....

Oh, and so apparently I don't have a single photo of 'just me' where I am looking reasonably normal since my........ wedding. (It will not last the enduration of my blog....)

Before Christmas we went on the "Big Wheel" @ Southbank for FHE. The boys loved it and everytime we drive over the riverside expressway now, they ask if we can go on it again. It's not the cheapest thing in Brisbane, nor the most exciting so..... NO!

Christmas Eve - we had my family over for dinner. The boys look rather caring and sharing, and kind and cooperative here. Yes, Christmas is calm and loving in our house....

Christmas morning ... and Hayden got a puppy!

There has been a LOT of swimming this summer. Nanna and Pop had their new pool finished just in time for Christmas.
It has done wonders for the boys' Olympic swimming goals...

Ahhhh yes, New Year's Day. This was a lovely walk and the beginning of what we'd planned to be a lovely day in up on Mt Tamborine. We made it to the falls, Lachlan touched a weird leaf (encouraged by his father, though to be fair, there was no sign that the said leaf had hidden powers) and had a stinging sensation allover his hands. So began the whinging all the way back along the track, then we got to our car and found a rather huge snake curled up next to it. On to the picnic ground. I'm preparing lunch and Lachlan is playing on the nearby playground and then SMACK, he falls, and splits his chin open just as the rest of our lunch group arrives. We say hello and goodbye as we drive off to the hospital. 2 hours waiting + 2 minutes of glueing the wound back together = a very memorable New Year's Day.

No, nothing much exciting happens in my life!